Conflict Avoidance: 5 Simplistic Ways To Cope
For example, instead of saying “You’re overreacting,” try saying “I understand you’re feeling frustrated, and I want to hear more about why.” For example, if your partner shuts down when you’re overly critical, try softening your approach and focusing on “I” statements. Recognizing your own style and your partner’s can help you navigate conflict more effectively. Some people are comfortable with direct, blunt communication, while others prefer a more indirect approach.
- “Reframe how you are viewing conflict,” Spinelli says.
- Repressing your feelings may lead to negative physical and psychological health outcomes over time, and avoiding conflict could also increase fear and anxiety.
- “Avoiding conflict means bottling up emotions, and when we bottle up our feelings, it can negatively manifest in the body,” she explains.
Open and honest communication is widely regarded as a crucial component of healthy personal relationships, spanning friendships to romantic partnerships. Ironically, avoiding conflict can make your relationship feel less safe over time. At its core, conflict avoidance stems from fear—fear of rejection, judgment, or triggering your partner’s negative emotions. Open communication is key to a healthy relationship; avoiding conflict can create a disconnect that weakens the bond. Instead of applying conflict avoidance techniques, overcome your fear of conflict by approaching issues with solutions.
Lifestyle Quizzes
- Maybe you grew up in a home where conflict meant yelling, screaming, and name-calling.
- When your partner understands your fears, they will be more mindful of this during disagreements, which can help you overcome your anxiety.
- That’s why our programs are founded and staffed by people in recovery – people who truly understand.
- If your husband avoids conflict at all costs or your partner avoids conflict, try creating a safe space for conversations, using non-threatening language, and encouraging them to express their thoughts first.
- In psychology in general, avoidance is typically viewed as a maladaptive or unhelpful coping strategy, which also applies to conflict avoidance.
That’s when little issues can quietly grow into walls between two people who care about each other deeply. Still, many people struggle with opening up when something feels wrong, choosing silence over speaking from the heart. Relationships thrive on honesty, communication, and trust… but let’s be real, disagreements are bound to happen! We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. But you can still take small steps each day toward feeling more comfortable facing your fears and speaking up for yourself.
Recognize and manage your feelings
Conflict is an inevitable part of life and is not something that you need to avoid. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior.
Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies for Avoidant Partners
Some people may struggle to set boundaries or speak up for themselves in conflict because they are disconnected from their own needs and emotions. While the thought of facing conflict head-on can seem intimidating or overwhelming, it is typically possible to develop or refine your conflict management and conflict resolution skills over time. In abusive situations, it may not be safe to speak up for one’s needs or feelings. As a result, a person may experience “flooding” when a dispute arises, leading them to become emotionally overwhelmed and struggle to engage. For instance, someone with an anxiety disorder might fear being judged or rejected by someone for speaking their mind.
Why You Avoid Conflict & How to Stop Being Conflict Avoidant in Your Relationships
Over time, it is possible to improve one’s abilities in this area significantly. You can also message your therapist at any time outside of sessions, and they’ll respond as soon as they’re able. Commuting to and from traditional in-person therapy appointments isn’t an option for everyone. Seeking the support of a therapist can be a powerful next step toward managing conflict more effectively and with less distress. Some techniques to cultivate emotional resilience can include building a strong support system, cultivating self-esteem, finding a sense of purpose, and setting achievable goals.
How does conflict avoidance affect relationships?
Past trauma, upbringing, personality traits, culture, and mental health challenges are a few examples of potential contributing factors. In psychology, avoidance behaviors are generally considered maladaptive or unhelpful. Building healthy conflict resolution skills can involve practicing mindfulness, cultivating self-esteem, and working with a therapist, among other approaches.
Mental Health →
Reflecting on where these fears come from—childhood, past relationships, or personal insecurities—can give you clarity. Taking a look at the negative effects of conflict avoidance can motivate you to make some changes. This is the benefit of conflict avoidance for you, but what are the drawbacks?
Instead of trying to read your partner’s mind, be open to a discussion. It also shows your partner that you value honesty and respect. Practice saying is it safe to mix alcohol with lipitor no to commitments that you aren’t excited about, and don’t be afraid to stand up for your needs or take time for yourself.
Whether you or a loved one struggles with avoidance due to past trauma, anxiety, or substance use, support is available. A counselor can offer techniques on how to resolve conflict with a partner while ensuring both individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves. This method reinforces patience and comprehension, which are crucial in terms of conflict, what matters the most to relationships is mutual respect and understanding.
They may agree with everything another person says to avoid any potential tension. In some cases, they may strive to maintain a “happy face” at all times, regardless of how they truly feel. To manage conflict, start by clearly identifying the issues so you can articulate your concerns. Once you know how to solve conflicts, you’ll see them as an opportunity for change and better communication—whether with yourself or others! Pick one issue, approach it with a gentle start-up, and remind yourself that healthy conflict is a form of love. If you’ve been avoiding a tough conversation, start small.
Avoiding conflict can make you feel protected in the moment. In fact, learning to cope with conflict in healthy ways can lead to more connection, trust, and long-term closeness. Research shows that emotional suppression can contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, and symptoms like tension and irritability. You may start believing your partner doesn’t care, or they may feel confused about your behavior. Resentment and frustration build under the surface, and the relationship starts to feel strained.
When you’re avoiding real conversations, it’s harder to feel close. This theory explains that you might avoid interpersonal conflict because you fear being seen in an adverse light. While you can’t force a person to engage in conflict, you can encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings and let them know that your goal is to help the two of you move forward together. This is sometimes called “fawning,” or appeasing other people to avoid the potential repercussions of upsetting them or engaging in conflict.
When conflict is all about criticism and pointing fingers, it usually isn’t productive. When both partners share openly, even difficult moments can bring deeper understanding and lasting peace. True harmony isn’t about pretending everything is fine; it’s about feeling safe to be real.
Unresolved issues bubble under the surface, leading to resentment, frustration, and even bigger blowups later. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to improve communication and build stronger connections. During conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in defending your own position. This shows empathy and creates a safe space for open communication. Even if you disagree with their perspective, acknowledge how they’re feeling.












